ikhny's Blog

infatuation or love?

The first time I met him was when we were taking the same summer class. We actually never talked to each other at that time. During the first day of class he and his friend was sitting behind my friends and I. His friend was the talkative and friendly type so I actually remembered him and he actually likes one of my friends. However, I do not remember him at all despite him having a very unique name. For me he was just another classmate. His face didn't even register on my mind and his name, I would forget it after like 5 seconds after hearing it. When our teacher emailed our final grades to us nothing about him came to my mind when I read his name.

A few months after that or the following semester we were no longer in any class together so I hadn't seen him for a while. I went to an event by one of our schools organizations/clubs to which my dad is an alumnus member, he one of the new members, and me I was scheduled to formally join the club a few days after the event. That was were I noticed him. I kinda found him cute, probably because he looked so young beside our schoolmates despite wearing formal clothes (in summer school we are not required to wear corporate attires). But that was just that, "noticed" him plus I totally forgot that we were in the same class before.

Roughly about two months after that we sort of met again. Every year junior members are required to assist alumni members as they take their exam, so he and I had to go. Still we weren't friends and didn't talk at all to each other. Also this activity only happened once a week and we also do not see each other in school. This time when I saw him, he sort of fascinated me. I think its probably because I've never met someone who is possibly as quiet as me or even quieter. He also looked different in casual clothes, he sort of reminded me of anime guys plus his name finally registered in my mind. We only talked once during this time, on the first day of this yearly event the club president then for the girls asked if someone from the guys was going on the same way as me and he ended up walking with me up to the bus station. During this walk I chatted him up, I asked him a lot of questions and I pretty much blubbered a lot partly because I was curious about him and the air sorta felt heavy and awkward when no one was speaking. This is actually not normal for me as I am painfully a shy person. For the rest of the month I only secretly looked at him.

After that he had to stop going to school for two semesters so there were no chances for us to meet even by accident in school.

Even though he was not enrolled he still attended the yearly event and still we did not talk and I only looked at him from afar. A friend took a photo of me during one of this times. I saw him pass by and somehow my face instantly brightened and had such a pretty smile on my face. I was surprised by the snapshot made by my friend because I looked really happy in the photo and nobody knows that I was actually looking at him when the photo was taken.

I transferred to another school after the semester ended around a month after that yearly event. To my surprise he transferred too together with our talkative and friendly friend mentioned in paragraph 1 to the same school I transferred in. This new school is much smaller than the other school which we transferred from so we are classmates in some subjects. I now also take the train which means that on days that we are classmates we go home together for halfway of the trip. Again I was the talkative one and it took some time for him to be talkative too.

I am not sure how everything started but now everybody teases us. I think its partly my fault because 1.) its fun to tease me, on the part of the person doing the teasing ofcourse and 2.) I blush or its pretty obvious that I like him. We are really close now after being in the same new school for almost five months now. Our friends and fellow classmates say that we suit each other because we have the same interests in a lot of things and we are similar in character/attitude to which to some extent yes agree with. We now talk a lot personally and by sending text messages.

I'm very open to him which I find curious because I'm a dandere (Dandere ダンデレis a term used to described anime girls that tend to be very quite and calm due to their shyness, and exhibiting either very little or no emotions. Actually the word Dandere ダンデレ is derived from a longer phrase: Danmari Deredere (だんまりデレデレ), where Danmari means silent and Deredere means a sweet affection towards others).

He makes me smile a lot, just the thought of him does. Pretty much everything he does I find them adorable, even things that should irk me or I find weird does. I can imagine us together someday not just as friends but as a couple. The thoughts of him having past girlfriends actually makes me jealous. We share food. He pats my head before saying goodbye when we go home together.

Right now I think we are becoming bestfriends borderline flirtationship. He is still getting over a past love and me I have reasons why I don't want a relationship yet. Despite all the teasing we both insist and tell everybody that we are just friends and actually consider each other as siblings. He doesn't know I have more than platonic feelings for him, well I'd like to think he doesn't. I have no idea how I look like with him but when I am teased by our friends they say that I really really blush. To be clear though he was the one who friendzoned me first and I probably just made it worse by asking him if I could call him older brother.

I've never had a boyfriend before nor did I ever fell in love in the past. This is a first for me. A guy friend said yesterday that when you meet the one your world slows down which I don't really get. Mr.Crush said that he knows he's in love when his heart really beats fast when he is about to meet or is in front of the person he likes. As for me, I feel really happy with him and he brightens my day. Our friends say that I am blooming or becoming prettier since transferring schools.

So what do you gals think? Am I infatuated, in love, or on my way to falling in love?

fickle heart

I wish I could dictate to my heart who I could love so I won't have to struggle with the fact that I shouldn't fall in love with that person.

I used to think that its easy to avoid falling in love when you know you shouldn't. How mistaken was I that its actually very difficult once you're ensnared.

I wish to just stay friends with that person. I wish to not think of him every minute of everyday. I wish the thoughts of him wouldn't make me smile. I wish thoughts of a future with him wouldn't come to mind.

I wish to not further fall in love with him because my heart has been promised to someone else.

I hate this fickle heart.

schools starting tomorrow

Starting tomorrow I would have to attend school again which means the start of sleep deprived days again. I wonder how many the overall cases and chapters I would have to read this week. Not to mention club activities. At least there won't be much graded recitations yet.....I hope.

I hope I'll know at least one person in class or be able to make new friends since I have no idea what my friends schedules are.

impending start of school -_-

I have one more day to savor before school starts. I am not looking forward to it but at the same time I am.

I only had two weeks of vacation since I went to summer school. And I've been bored a lot but I'm not looking forward to the heavy workload waiting for me.

mango's o(~^o^~)o

just had fresh mango's for dessert i haven't eaten some for awhile so it was really nice to eat a few slices tonight. it was brought by my parents visiting for a few days. i'm pretty much lucky too since the summer season had just ended (at least in my country) and that mango's would no longer be in season.

bored.....i guess

Its still a few days before school starts so I just waste my time as usual in surfing the net. I mostly just read fanfics on, read posts on 9gag, read news on yahoo, watch video's on youtube or sometimes read manga when I feel like it. However, recently I sort of lost interest in them or more like what are posted on them. I feel like I want to keep surfing on the net but nothing really interests me anymore. I want to read fics but when I scan the story summaries or the list of categories I have no idea what to click. Its very ironic that they take my attention away from studying during the school year and yet fail to keep it when I actually do have the time for them.

started coloring with my non-dominant hand

I bought a coloring book today and started coloring the first page using my non-dominant hand. Before buying one I was practicing writing with my left hand and got bored. I'm glad that its turning out quite well. There aren't much mistakes in it, well aside from the color coordination I think. :P

I also found out today that my dominant brain is the right part. I'm hoping that knowing this will actually help me with excel in school, help me cope with it, or let me know what career I may take if ever I do decide to leave law school or do on the side if I do continue and become a lawyer.

1-7 of 7 Blogs   

Previous Posts
infatuation or love?, posted March 12th, 2013
fickle heart, posted February 6th, 2013
schools starting tomorrow, posted June 17th, 2012
impending start of school -_-, posted June 16th, 2012
mango's o(~^o^~)o, posted June 14th, 2012
bored.....i guess, posted June 13th, 2012
started coloring with my non-dominant hand, posted June 6th, 2012

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